This was originally written in September 2015 for Five Minute Friday at katemotaung.com where you write for five minutes on a given prompt, which in this case was “yes”. I have edited it slightly to link with #LiveFreeThursday at tsuzanneeller.com.
“Yes” is a word that scares me. It means commitment. I can’t say “yes” halfheartedly; if I say “yes” to something, I mean it and I want to do that thing properly. So I hesitate to say “yes” because I want to know more about what the commitment will mean, how it will turn out, exactly what I am saying “yes” to. Sometimes it makes me say “no”.
And yet I realise I can’t always know how it will play out- and looking back some of the times I’ve said “yes” without fully understanding what I was getting into have led to some of my best experiences, which I’d have missed out on if I’d allowed the fear to make me say “no”.
Saying “yes” to moving to a city where I knew no-one to start a new job, with no idea how it would turn out or what life there would hold. While there were times when it was hard, I have no doubt at all that it is where God has called me to be.
Saying “yes” to Jesus- to following him, to living for him- to find him lead me into all kinds of situations I’d never have chosen for myself- facing fears, standing up and speaking, taking on challenges I’d never have imagined. At times it has been terrifying, but I also know the times when I’ve trusted God enough to step out of my comfort zone are the times when I’ve grown the most.
And now God is again calling me to say “yes” and I know he is, but everything within me is screaming “no”. I’ve been sitting on the fence all week, scared to commit, scared of how it will turn out, but knowing in my heart that I have to do this.
I remember talking to someone once about another difficult decision I was facing. I explained why I thought God was calling me to do it, and I explained the reasons why I hesitated (which were mainly due to fear). She listened to all I said and her conclusion was, “I don’t think you’re capable of being passive and not doing this.” I knew she was right- and I think this situation is the same. God’s call trumps fear every time. If I know it is God, then there is no other answer but “yes”. Yes to God and no to fear.
It is not about understanding everything or knowing exactly what the result will be; it is about knowing God’s call and saying “yes” to him. God has not been subtle this week. Everywhere I turn the same message has been coming at me from every angle.
So I say “yes”- not completely sure what I am stepping into but knowing I go with him.
“Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters wherever you will call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Saviour.” (Oceans- Hillsongs United)
…and now I need to hit “Publish” before I change my mind!
Update- March 2016: This post was written as I was considering writing a series on my blog for Write 31 Days where God was asking me to write about a difficult and sensitive subject, which would mean sharing a lot of myself. Looking back, I’m so glad I did it and said no to the fear. It led to a lot of great connections with people and the joy of seeing God use it to help others. It encourages me to continue to be bold, to say no to fear and to step out in obedience to God.