This is day 16 of 31 Days of Songs and Stories. For an index of all the posts in the series, click here.
One of my scariest driving experiences, especially as it came when I was a new driver and still lacking confidence, was when my windscreen wipers suddenly stopped working as I was driving along a busy dual carriageway in heavy rain.
It only took a few seconds for the rain to completely cloud my view. Everything blurred in front of me as I desperately tried to find a place to pull in to the side of the road. Fortunately I managed to stop safely, call for help to get the problem fixed, and eventually get back on the road and complete my journey.
There have been times though when it has felt like my view of life has been just as blurry as my view of the road was that day, and keeping going has been just as hard.
Fragmented memories of the past that refuse to come together to form a coherent picture have paralysed me, clouding my vision of myself, of others, of God, leaving me unable to see anything clearly, let alone the way ahead. The only option has been to pull over and ask for help, and who better to ask than the God who has all the answers, who knows everything, who knows me better than I know myself?
But here’s the thing: the answers haven’t always come as I have hoped. There have been times when the only answer from God has been a resounding silence.
I’ve never been afraid to ask the hard questions, but I struggle with not getting answers. It has been hard to accept and for a long time I wrestled with God over it. If he knew everything, why wouldn’t he give me the answers I knew would help me move forward? Why wouldn’t he help me see this situation clearly?
Eventually God led me to a Bible verse and a song. It took a while for their truth to sink in, but as it gradually did, it helped me begin to move on.
“Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.” (1 Corinthians 13:12)
This verse helped me to understand three things:
- Even in areas where I think I see clearly, I don’t. “All that I know now is partial and incomplete.” I had been fixating on one area where I was obviously not seeing clearly, when the truth is my vision of everything is clouded.
- One day I will see clearly. The knowledge is not lost forever. Whether on earth or in heaven, my questions will be answered. One day I will see and one day I will understand.
- God knows everything completely, and God knows me completely. What is necessary for moving forward is not perfect clarity of vision, but to put my hand in his and to allow him to lead me.
I love how Nichole Nordeman expresses these truths in her song “Someday.”
“I believe in the rest of the story,
I believe there’s still ink in the pen.
I have wasted my very last day
Trying to change what happened way back when.
I believe it’s the human condition;
We all need to have answers to why.
More than ever I’m ready to say that I
Will still sleep peacefully
With answers out of reach to me
Until someday, all that’s crazy,
All that’s unexplained
Will fall into place,
And someday all that’s hazy
Through a clouded glass
Will be clear at last,
And sometimes we’re just waiting
There are still times when I long for that “someday” when it will all make sense, but mostly I have learned to trust and to “sleep peacefully with answers out of reach to me.”
linking with Give Me Grace