Uncertain Future, Faithful God

This is day 19 of 31 Days of Songs and Stories.  For an index of all the posts in the series, click here.

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Music is powerful.

There are some songs that become so associated in your mind with a particular moment that when you hear them, you are transported back in time and you almost feel that you are reliving that moment.  This is one of those songs for me.

When I hear it, I am back in the park near where I used to live.  I feel the soft grass beneath me as I sit in the gentle heat of the late afternoon sun.  I smell the fresh fragrance of grass and flowers, I hear the birds calling to one another and children laughing as they play.

I remember the fear and dread at what I was facing, the feeling that I was about to step off the edge of a cliff and I had no idea if anyone would be there to catch me… but I also remember the hope rising as I listened to this song that maybe it would be okay.

That afternoon I had tried to tell someone my secret.  After years of denial and hiding, God had been prompting me that I needed to bring it into the light.  My resistance had gradually worn down over the last year or so, and I was finally at a point where I was willing to give it a go.

It seemed the fear went deeper than I had realised though, because after arranging to see someone and building myself up to say it, when I found myself there in front of them, the words refused to come.  I tried, I really did, but it was as if they were stuck.  I just about managed to convey that I was trying to share something important but when I tried to say what it actually was, the words would not come out.

She had been lovely- gentle and reassuring- but also insistent that we should meet the following day to try again.

I wanted to let it out.  I really did.  I had carried this burden long enough and I was tired.  I just didn’t know if I could find the courage to actually speak it out, and I wasn’t sure what would happen if I did.

I walked home, thinking about our conversation.  As I approached the park, I realised that I wasn’t ready to go home, to face other people.  I needed some space, so I sat under a tree, and listened to this song, clinging to its truth, willing myself to believe it.

“I don’t know what this day will bring.
Will it be disappointing or filled with longed-for things?
I don’t know what tomorrow holds,
But I know I can trust your faithfulness.

I don’t know if these clouds mean rain.
If they do, will they pour down blessing or pain?
No, I don’t know what the future holds,
But I know I can trust your faithfulness.

Certain as the rivers meet the sea,
Certain as the sunrise in the east,
I can rest in your faithfulness.”

It summed it up for me.  When you’ve kept a secret for 17 years you have no concept of what will happen if you let it out.  I hoped it was the path to healing and freedom, but I had no guarantees.  I didn’t know how people would respond, but I was increasingly sure it was what God wanted me to do.

This song reminded me that my trust must not be in the outcome, but in God’s faithfulness, the one thing which was absolutely certain.

I listened to the song several more times that evening.  And the following day I finally managed to say it.

It was only the beginning of a long, and often painful, journey of healing, but looking back now, several years later and much further along the road, I can testify that God has been absolutely faithful.

linking with Coffee For Your Heart, Three Word WednesdayLive Free Thursday and Fresh Market Friday

     Crystal Twaddell

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25 thoughts on “Uncertain Future, Faithful God

  1. Lesley, you are so brave. Thanks so much for sharing this with me. It gives me so much insight right now into the struggles of some young women I know and love. Thank you for helping me to see through their eyes. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. What meaningful words, Lesley. I’m so glad you stepped out in courage and shared. Also that you have such an encouraging friend. I love the song. Whether the future brings blessing or pain, and no matter how dark it gets, we can still trust God to be faithful. Such hope in this. Blessings and hugs to you!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Secrets hurt so much especially when we desperately need to reveal them to be free of there immense weight. I celebrate with you my sister for having the courage and strength to lay your burdens down. May God strengthen and heal you and make your experience a testimony of His goodness.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. In uncertainty, we can trust in God because He knows all things. We never know what each day brings but once we are in His hand we can find peace and security.

    I invite you to take a look at my blog:

    Loftforum.wordpress.com

    Liked by 1 person

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