Dear Younger Me,
I think it’s fair to say that you’re not exactly an open book.
You keep a lot of what you’re thinking and how you’re feeling hidden deep beneath the surface, only sharing it with God or with your journal. I’m glad you are able to let it out in those ways, but, trust me, it will really help you if you learn to be more open with others.
I know you’ve learned to hide your feelings. You feel that people don’t really care. You’ve been taught to present the best version of yourself and to hide the struggles and brokenness behind a mask. There are deep parts of you that you believe are unacceptable and can’t be shared.
The thing you need to realise is that everyone is broken in different ways. No matter how put-together they seem, no-one is perfect, and no-one is fooled by your show of perfection either.
When you smile and say, “I’m fine,” and push the pain down inside, you keep people at a distance and the relationship stays at surface level.
It’s not healthy for you to hold so much inside.
I know it’s going to be hard for you. It means making yourself vulnerable, and that will never come easily.
I’m not saying you should reveal the deepest parts of your heart to everyone. You should certainly choose carefully, but you need to find a way to open up.
Over the next couple of years you will have some difficult things to deal with, and I think you’d get on a lot better if you found support rather than battling on alone like I did. I understand it’s hard, and I’m not sure if you’ll manage, but my advice would be to try.
As with everything else, it is knowing God more that is going to help you to reach that stage. As you open your heart to him and learn to trust him, you will gradually come to understand that he accepts you completely, exactly as you are with all your faults, failings, and brokenness. That is what will equip you with the security to take the risk and open up to others.
John writes, “If we are living in the light, as God is in the light, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from all sin.” (1 John 1:7 NLT)
I know the darkness feels safer sometimes, but stepping into the light will be worth it, and God will use your authenticity to bless others and assure them that they are not alone.
This post is part of “Dear Younger Me…” – a series for Write 31 Days in October 2019.
Each day I am basing my writing on the one-word prompt provided. Today the prompt is “open.” You can find an introduction to the series and an index of all the posts here, and you can find out more about the challenge and check out other people’s series here